Top

Week 1 Picks and Predicitons

Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports
Bold Predictions

Alex Smith will lead the league in Touchdown passes after week 1. 

Melvin Gordon will lead the league in rushing yards after week 1. 

Tank Carradine (he plays for the 49ers) will get two sacks week 1. 

Jarvis Landry will beat Richard Sherman for a TD. 

Luke Kuechly will score a defensive TD for the Panthers. 

Clay Matthews will record 2.5 sacks. 

Donkey Kong Suh will step on Russell Wilson. 

Steve Young will mention the Kap Anthem protest 13 times on Monday Night Football. 

The Picks

Carolina over Denver 

Here is the thing about this game; Carolina will win. In Fact, they will win by 10+. Carolina's defense is going to tear Trevor Siemian apart. I've heard the "But Peyton wasn't that good last year," and it's half true.  18's mind is better than most QB's arm. He would audible out of a pass to a run to improve field position and allow his defense to win the game for him. Will Siemian do that? Probably not. Carolina's defense is really good, sorry Broncos fans. 

Green Bay over Jacksonville

Aaron the GAWD vs Blake the "Bro," quite the match-up. One of these QB's showed up to training camp with Super Bowl aspirations, the other with a Half Gallon of Fireball. Not many QB's ever are as good as AR12. There were weeks last year where he wasn't the same, but always open Jordy Nelson is back, good luck NFL. 

Ravens over Bills

Funny thing about the Bills is they just paid Tyrod a lot of money. Tyrod is a decent starting QB, who flourished in a QB friendly offense last year. Quality weapons around him, and he does good things with the football. What he doesn't do is complete under neath throws with repetitive accuracy. John Harbaugh knows this, and he'll make sure his defense does. Ravens win. Flacco Bombs for everyone. 

Texans over Bears

Bears have some Blue Chip talent, but also aren't good at all positions. Texans QB sucks, but they have JJ Watt and Lamar Miller. They'll win. 

Browns over Eagles

I think the Browns suck. They have this years worse secondary (to start this season) and a QB who I think was always over rated. The Eagles just suck that much more. They're going to be the worse team in football and blame Chip Kelly, because that's what owners do. They blame someone else. Fucking Billionaires are assholes. 

Tampa Bay over Atlanta

Jamies is going to the NFL's top QB in 4 years. Matt Ryan was prematurely crowned as a top QB when he's nothing more than Matt Schaub with a talented team around him. 

Vikings over Titans

I refuse to pick a Mularkey coached team to beat a Zimmer coached team. I think Mariota is going to be good. I think it will be when he gets a real coach. 

Bengals over Jets

Jets are the most over rated 10 win team in the history of the NFL. Fitzpatrick threw more dropped interceptions than anyone else. He's some how lucked into a ton of cash in his career, and he went to Harvard. Great for the man, but he's not a good QB. Meanwhile, Cincinnati is one of the league's most talented teams. 

Saints over Raiders

Spare me the Raiders hype, I'm not buying. Saints are at home, in a place they're tough to be beat at. Raiders are young in the secondary, and Drew Brees will take advantage. It's going to be a high scoring affair, but the Saints will score more. Raiders are not making the playoffs. 

Chargers over Chiefs 

Everyone chooses a hill to die on some day, and the Chargers winning the AFC West is my hill. It might be because Phillip Rivers is my 2nd favorite NFL QB behind Tom Brady. It might be because I'm fully believing in Melvin Gordon and Keenan Allen. I don't know what it is, but the Chargers are my Cinderella. 

Seahawks over Dolphins

I've been trying to talk myself into taking the Dolphins all summer, and I can't do it. But I will say this is; TAKE THE POINTS. Seattle is currently giving 10.5 to a team that has good cover corners, and a solid pass rush. Also known as Seattle's Kryptonite. I think Seattle wins this game, something like 19-10. Even when Seattle went on that great run for 5 games of offensive explosion last year the offense still struggled in the Red Zone. Look for that to continue. TAKE THE POINTS. TAKE THE POINTS. TAKE THE POINTS. Dolphins will be this years Jets, they'll win 10 games and miss the playoffs and be over rated going into 2017. 

Colts over Lions

"Hey everyone, it's me Andrew Luck. Remember in 2014 when I threw 40 TD's with only an interception rate at 2.6% and over 600 attempts which has only been done by Drew Brees, and Aaron Rodgers?" Ok, maybe the guy with the games best Neck Beard didn't say that but he's good. Really good. Take notice. He will once again carry this sorry ass Colts team. 

Cowboys over Giants

The Giants forced out a GREAT head coach in Tom Coughlin and kept a bad GM. The 49ers did that and the Football Gods punished them. The Giants will be punished by the Football Gods this year. 

Cardinals over Patriots

The NFL won't be very fun for 4 weeks because Tom Brady won't be playing. Also, the Cardinals have the best Secondary tandem in the NFL in Patrick Peterson and the Honey-badger. Should be an easy win for the Cardinals.

Steelers over Washington DC

Kirk Cousins actually wasn't that good last year. My biggest issue with Fantasy football is it makes use believe some players are better than they really are, because more people play fantasy than actually know football.  Big Ben was better than anyone realizes he was last year. Now we have this team in the Nations capital that's going to roll out Josh Norman to cover the best WR since Randy Moss? Yeah fucking right. Steelers are putting 40 up in this one. Good night Washington. 

49ers over Rams

I can't figure this Rams team out. They find a way to win 7 games this year, and they really aren't that talented. Their Dline is the NFL's best. Their LB's are probably bottom 10. Their Secondary probably middle of the pack. Their Oline? Average at Best. WR's? Calling them average might be a compliment. RB? Games best. QB? Quality backup who will be starting. But they own Seattle, and play good teams tough. It's Aaron Donald and Robert Quinn. They mask a lot of issues. The 49ers will win this game though, Chip is a better coach than Jeff Fisher. Gabbert isn't good but he's better than Keenum. 49ers have an improved Oline, and Dline. It will probably be a sloppy game, with a lot of punts, but 49ers will win. 

My favorite Picks for gambling purposes

Atlanta won't cover the spread or win against Tampa Bay. They won't even win. Dirk Koetter (Tampa Head Coach) was Matt Ryan's OC when he was most successful. 3 points to the home team is basically a "pick em." Pick Tampa. 

Dolphins will cover the 10.5 they're currently getting. Seattle struggles to cover at home during 1 PM games against decent teams. Read above, but Miami covers. 

Green Bay and Jax cover the Over. It's currently set at 48. You mean to tell me that one of these teams can't get to 31-35 with the other at 20? Or a 35-28 game? This is a HUGE offensive game. Take the Over and be happy you did. 

49ers and Rams do their job and miss the over. Currently set at 43 points, it's hard to see both these teams scoring that much. I expect a 24-13 game and a 49ers win successfully making the Under a win. 

Thanks for reading. 





Load